Bipolar is not black and white

Bipolar disorder has been a struggle with me since my early teens. I've been all over. From admission to hospital, to even denying the damn disorder existed.

When I was fourteen, for a good while, I thought everyone thought I was on drugs. It's was irrational and exaggerated, and I ended up running away from school midway through a science class, flailing and screaming like I was on something. I had teachers chasing after me, and one of them ended up finding me hiding in a park. My dad came and got me, and we walked home together. He'd ridden his bike from work to pick me up. I'll never forget how calm he was about it. Probably because this kind of thing happened a lot.

A few months later I was in hospital on suicide watch.

I missed the tenth grade. My attendance record was abandoned, and I passed out of sympathy.

This example of my experience is shadowed by millions of lives. Fortunately I was incredibly lucky and had contsant support and a *cough* reasonably early diagnosis. It can take years for a correct diagnosis and treatment. For example, if diagnosed with depression, as so many of us were, anti depressants can actually induce manic episodes. Treatment can make things better or worse.

Stephen Fry did a great documentary, The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive. You can watch it here. Sharing you own personal experience also helps others to share theirs, and can paint a better picture and understanding, not just for those without the illness, but for those just looking to understand their illness, and how others might deal with it.


I think we've screamed 'You don't understand!' more times than we've liked to. So please understand that bipolar can be much more than simple up and downs, and, like ever mental illness, that each case is different. It is not funny or cool, or an excuse to be hyperactive or bitchy.

Sharing my personal experience is not meaning to sound arrogant, I'm simply sharing it to prove a point, as my experience is the most valid one I know considering the context. Sympathy is not something that cures anything, but please do try to understand that people with mental illnesses are each different people with different opinions. We are not all the same, and justly are not affected the same, or accept it the same.


*twirls back into a cave*